By @nascarcasm | Thursday, September 17, 2020
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With NFL season right around the corner, we wanted to take a look at the potential starters should NASCAR ever decide to field a football team. Have yourself a look!
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Young, athletic, and has quite the arm. Wallace's completion percentage to random people on the other side of the catch fence is impressive. You want him running the offense.
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LaJoie brings a steady hand to the backup role. While he could be a starter, he demands that his football helmet feature just a big picture of his own face and no one wants that.
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Returning kicks is one of the more precarious roles in football, but Blaney is not only quick on his feet, but he can elude defenders much like he eludes the large hordes of teenage girls and their mothers who charge at him when he's walking through the garage. Transferrable skills are key.
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Custer has proven his blazing fast speed coming around the edge. He can blitz like none other. I mean, look. Quarterbacks see this and quiver like Ryan Blaney on a cold day at Dover.
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Kenseth has that deadly straight-line speed that you want in a pass rush. The wily veteran still has many good years left in him.
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We’re kind of only putting him here because he has the touchdown dance already choreographed and we’d hate to see it go to waste.
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We're placing Newman on the offensive line because we have heard that he really doesn't like to let anyone past him. At least not easily. Picture the opposing defensive back spending the equivalent time of 15 laps trying to get around Newman. Play is over by then, y'all.
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Wait, Elliott as running back? Not the likely choice, but as he showed at the Roval, he can hit that line head on but then bounce off and give his team an amazing second effort.
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Rob Gronkowski is a tight end. His name ends in -owski. That was literally the only determining factor here.
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Not much explanation needed here. Suarez can pancake guys so hard it measures on the Richter Scale.
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A strong and accurate leg. Obviously.
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You want more size in a fullback, so we're going with Kurt Busch. An absolute monster when you hand him the ball. As you can see, he can keep moving even with six guys hanging off of him.
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We want a guy leading the team who is a proven winner but is not afraid to show Gruden-like passion on the field of play.